Promises, Promises – “Modern Dating” 

We’re in the third week of our series on marriage, but in any healthy church (including ours) somewhere around half of those in attendance aren’t married. So this week we’re going to talk about what the Bible has to say about dating – which, technically, is nothing, but it has much to say about how to navigate life wisely, including great advice (by application) about whom and how we should date. Much of that wisdom is captured in the book of Proverbs – short, simple, practical sayings guiding us to a full life.

1.  Decide Who You Want To Be (Proverbs 4:25-26^NIV)

• Proverbs has much to say about choosing the best “path” for our lives, but it also warns that it can be all too easy to become distracted by “looking down at our feet” – i.e., focusing on what looks good to us now and losing sight of the path we should be taking to get to the destination we want to get to. 
• “Direction determines destination,” the Proverbs would say – and this is very true when it comes to dating. All too often, our bodies betray us, because the reality is that we are “chemically compatible” (i.e., physically attracted) with far more people than we are relationally compatible with. And then we can quickly begin to rationalize that someone attractive that we “want” is actually “The One.”
• Only by keeping our eyes on the long-term destination of where we want to go with our lives can we overcome the trap of an immediate attraction to the wrong person. This destination – this life vision – should ideally be thought through before dating begins; we must decide who we want to be and what we want to do with our life before mere attraction steers us off the path that will get us there.

2. Decide Who You Want To Be With  (Proverbs 14:25 ^NIV; Proverbs 24:26 ^NIV) some text
   • Online and app-based “dating” has dramatically changed the way many people seek out a partner for a relationship. The upside of this is that someone can find a partner they may have never met through traditional social encounters. Unfortunately, online dating can be overwhelming, with many, many “candidates” being presented to us at once, with limited info available about who they really are.
   • Who we choose to date and have a relationship with – especially a marriage relationship – is critical to reaching the life destination we set out to reach. Our compatibility with our partner can’t just be based on shared interests (e.g., hobbies), although that’s important. Far more important is our shared values, because “interests are interesting, but values are determinative.”
   • As followers of Jesus, there are some values that we should look for in a partner that should be non-negotiables. The ideal for Christian marriage is that “the two become one,” united in their desire to love and serve God and to help others know Jesus, so the partner we seek should absolutely share that vision for marriage and for the destination and purpose of their own lives. 
3. Give And Seek Honest Evidence (Proverbs 12:17 ^NIV; 14:5 ^NIV; 14:25 ^NIV; 24:26 ^NIV; 3:5-6 ^NIV) some text
   • As we date, the Proverbs advise us to be people of “honest witness.” Only by giving honest evidence about who we are – our values, our interests, our “non-negotiables” – can we expect potential partners to make accurate judgments about who we are and if we share the same vision for our lives.  Conversely, we must look for honest evidence that indicates that our potential spouse’s values and vision for their lives are what they say they are – and not just words they say to attract us.
   • Ultimately, our goal as followers of Jesus shouldn’t be to find the perfect partner – or any partner at all. Our ultimate goal is to submit to God’s will for our lives, trusting that as we cast our life vision and pursue our life’s purpose, “he will make our paths straight.” Including our relationship paths…

ADDITIONAL SCRIPTURE

These passages may provide additional insights related to the subject of this week’s message. All verses are NLT unless otherwise noted.

Genesis 2:24; Proverbs 1:1-5; Proverbs 16:9; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7; 2 Corinthians 6:14-15; 2 Timothy 2:22

Video of the Week: Proverbs Overview by the Bible Project

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION

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1. In a word, would you describe your own dating experience to be more intentional or accidental?  Explain your answer.

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2. As mentioned in the message, dating really didn’t even exist at the time the Bible was written, so there’s not really any explicit direction or advice on who, how, and why to date.  Why then would we think that the Bible is a good source of advice for “modern dating”? 

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3. The message warned that it’s critical for someone to decide (and focus on) their life’s destination and purpose before they begin to date, so they don’t get “taken off the path” by simple attraction. Would you say that that’s a realistic expectation for the young adults you know? Why or why not?  

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4. Famously, 2 Corinthians 6:14 warns us not to be “unequally yoked with unbelievers” (ESV). Do you think this should be an absolute in the context of marriage – that a believer should never marry someone who isn’t a professed follower of Jesus?  Why or why not?  

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5. What sort of “honest evidence” about a potential partner should someone look for to confirm that their values and life’s vision/purpose line up with what they say they are?

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6. If you could give one piece of dating advice to a younger person who’s seeking to begin a relationship with someone, what would it be?

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