Promises, Promises – “Unpacking Baggage” 

We’re wrapping up our series on “the four promises of fulfilling relationships.” So far, we’ve looked at the Promise of the Future, the Promise of “Over-underreacting,” and the Promise of Fulfillment. Today, we finish up with something we all need to wrestle with to fully enjoy God’s promise of a full life: unpacking the baggage and healing the wounds that can so easily sabotage our relationships.

1.  When Wounds Become Scars, Healing Happens (Acts 8:21-24)

• We all have physical scars – some big, some small – and every scar has a story to tell about how we got them. Our emotional “scars” are no different: every scar has a story. But when our wounds have become scars, healing has happened. However, wounds that don’t heal into scars fester – and our festering emotional wounds can sabotage our most important relationships.
• In an interesting episode in Acts 8, a man who was a sorcerer/magician becomes a believer and wants to follow Jesus – but he’s so impressed with the apostles’ miracles that he tries to buy some of the “power” they have. Peter responds angrily that “you can have no part in this, for your heart is not right with God”; in other words, “you can’t have what you want because of what’s in you.”
• There are three types of baggage that tend to be inside many of us – three types of wounds that fester inside of us and sabotage our relationships unless they can be “unpacked” and healed:some text
  1. Betrayal – For those of us who have been betrayed – by a broken vow or someone who professed love but then hurt us – we can carry baggage that says, “I can’t trust you enough to have a deep relationship with you.”
  2. Disappointment – When all we know about relationships (because of our observations and/or experience) is that they never live up to their promise, we can easily let the disappointments of the past become our expectations for the present.
  3. Dysfunction – Finally, our baggage may come from the dysfunction we saw in our own families, as our parents lived lives far from the way God intended. It can be all too easy for the sins of our parents to become excuses for our own behavior, because that’s all we know.

2. The Promise of “Forgive”  (Ephesians 4:31-32) some text
   • We all carry baggage of betrayal, disappointment and/or dysfunction to some degree, but we have a choice whether to let that define us (and sabotage our relationships) or not. Scripture offers a promise of healing, a promise the will let us unpack our baggage: it’s the promise of forgiveness. 
   • The key to emptying our “cups” of betrayal, disappointment and dysfunction, Paul tells us in Ephesians 4, is forgiveness – forgiving those who have wounded us, just as God has forgiven us. Forgiveness alone won’t restore the trust required for intimate relationships, but it opens the door for trust to be earned and restored over time.
   • There are two practical steps for unpacking our baggage and getting to a place of forgiveness:some text
     1. Go Back and Grieve, Then Offer Forgiveness – As painful as it might be, relive and remember the pain of the wound, then decide to forgive the one (or ones) who have hurt you.
     2. Go Back and Confess, Then Ask for Forgiveness – Sometimes our wounds are self-inflicted; it’s our own choices and behaviors that have caused the wounds in others and in our relationships. In that case, we have to face it, make amends, and ask for forgiveness from those we’ve hurt.
   • Our greatest hope in unpacking our baggage, in emptying our cups, in healing our wounds, is found in Jesus – the one who forgave us. His forgiveness is a healing gift meant to be shared with others.

ADDITIONAL SCRIPTURE

These passages may provide additional insights related to the subject of this week’s message. All verses are NLT unless otherwise noted.

Proverbs 10:12; Matthew 6:9-15; Luke 17:3-4; Colossians 3:12-13; James 5:16; 1 John 1:5-9

Video of the Week: The Lord’s Prayer by the Bible Project

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION

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1. Based on your own experience, would you say that the majority of the “emotional wounds” in our life tend to heal into “scars” more or less on their own?  Explain your answer.

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2. Do you think that most people are self-aware of the emotional wounds that they carry around which haven’t healed?  Why or why not? 

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3. Of the three types of baggage we tend to carry (the three “cups”), which do you find to be the most common among the hurting/wounded people you know?  Explain your answer

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4. Read Ephesians 4:31-32 again. In the NLT version, this passage falls under a heading titled “Living as Children of Light.” How does forgiving one another in order to heal our relationships distinguish us as “Children of Light”?

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5. Forgiveness sounds easy, but we all know (if we’ve tried it) that it’s really hard.  What makes forgiving others (and seeking forgiveness for ourselves) so difficult?

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6. Both of the “practical steps for unpacking our baggage” offered in the message begin with “Go Back.” Why is it so important to relive and remember the pain we felt – or caused – as we seek to forgive (or be forgiven) and heal the wounds of the past?

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